Mentoring: A summary

You might want to check out parts one, two and three.

A mentoring relationship should be something that happens naturally, without force. It should be something that happens because two people find themselves walking alongside one another during a particular season of life when one needs the other. A mentoring relationship really must be a friendship that one day wakes up and recognizes itself as more than just a common friendship, but a spiritual relationship. A mentor can stick it out with her friend when the going gets tough, because she trusts the work of the Holy Spirit in that friend.

Mentoring isn’t about diagrams or worksheets or lesson plans or going door-to-door with gospel tracts. It isn’t even about multiplying oneself to make disciples. However, in the best of mentoring relationships, that is exactly what happens.

Thanks for chiming into this conversation over the past week. What do you think are the “requirements” for a healthy mentoring relationship?

Mentoring: What went right

You might want to start with part one, “What went wrong.”

In reality, it was only my first year in campus ministry that I didn’t “click” with my discipler. The following year, one of my best friends was on staff and we had a great mentoring experience – one that continues today, as we live in the same town, are involved in the same Shared Life Group, and are married to men who also happen to be very good friends. This friend and I have walked through all of the ups and downs of life together for the last four or five years.

My last two years of college, my discipler was a full-time staff member who had a real gift for building friendships with young women. She also exhibited a quality essential to mentoring: self-disclosure. She was willing to share her own shortcomings and even her struggles as a single woman trying to date – things that many mentors would want to hide in an effort to save face. Although we don’t see each other very often, we keep in touch. And you can bet that when she finally met her husband and married him, I was at the wedding with several other women whose lives she had deeply impacted. And now, when she posts pictures of her new baby girl to Facebook, I comment and then e-mail her for advice on which baby books I should read.

My junior year of college, I met a freshman who wanted to get plugged into our campus ministry. I started meeting with her, but I didn’t rush into a formal discipleship relationship. When we met together, we shared how we were doing and what we were thinking. I often shared with her my love for international students, my passion for foreign missions and my desire to reach Muslims with the gospel of Jesus. Before I knew it, my friend was rooming with an international student, studying abroad, and interning with a mission organization. She spent her first year after graduation traveling to four or five different countries, where she ministered to unreached people groups. She came to visit me recently and told me that she largely attributes where she has spent the last year to my influence.

Although I sometimes had rocky experiences with discipleship in college, it laid the foundation for learning how to share life with people in community, which I have learned is essential for survival as a follower of Jesus in this world.

What lessons have you learned from a mentoring relationship – either as the mentor or the mentee?

Mentoring: What went wrong

This is part one of a four-part series on mentoring relationships. Please join in the conversation!

When I was in college and part of a big campus ministry, we talked a lot about mentoring, but we called it discipleship. In those days, it was something formal that was supposed to have a trickle-down effect to everyone involved in the ministry: Paid staff members were to disciple student leaders, who were to disciple younger students. Those students were to share the gospel, win converts, and in turn disciple them. We had diagrams that showed how many people’s lives could be changed if each of us were to disciple just one new person each year.

In theory, this was a great system, meant to prepare young college students to enter the “real world” and live as Christ-followers. In practice it was…still just a system.

In my opinion, the main problem with discipleship as I learned it in college was that it was too mechanical and unnatural. Sometimes, “disciples” and “disciplers” were assigned. It made for some sticky situations, like the time I started discipling a girl who was my own age that I didn’t really like, and I just kind of quit. Or the times I felt like meeting with my discipler was a chore. And then there was that time that the girl I was discipling essentially broke up with me because she didn’t like the truth I felt she needed to hear. (Actully, that happened to me twice. I have a pretty spotty discipleship record.) We had all made what should have been an obvious mistake: We weren’t friends first. We weren’t walking through life together. We were trying to conjure a spiritual relationship out of nothing. We were meeting once every week or two to share the gospel with a fellow student, or to learn a new leadership theory, or to study a passage of scripture together.

Although I’m a little cynical, I’m not being directly critical of the campus ministry I was involved with or the women who discipled me. But now, with a few years’ distance, I can see some flaws in the system. There are also notable exceptions, which I’ll share in my next post.

What experiences – positive or negative – have you had in discipleship or mentoring?

Easter Sunday: Resurrection day

Nearing the end of Easter Sunday, 2010, I feel contented. I can release a sigh of happiness. It’s been a good day.

We celebrated the resurrection of our Lord with our church family this morning. My heart swelled as we sang

Where, O death -
Where, O death is your sting?
It’s swallowed up -
Swallowed up in vict’ry.

After church, we ate Easter lunch with some of our friends and enjoyed an afternoon of fellowship.

Joe and I walked through Mission Oaks Park to commemorate our engagement there last Easter and our six-month wedding anniversary. Later, we took our puppies for a long walk and spent some time outside, reading and working.

All in all, I’m so thankful for today – a true sabbath of rest, reflection and enjoyment.

You can’t go it alone

A guest post by Mollie

I petitioned a few friends to consider guest-posting on my blog while I take a sabbatical. Mollie was the first one to raise her hand. After reading her post I thought, “Why the heck am I blogging? She should just take it over from here!” My sister, an English education major, is an excellent writer. So, without further ado, here is her post: “You can’t go it alone,” or, “It’s a lot more fun to have an Accountabilibuddy.”

One reason that I’m glad to be a student at West Virginia University is that we have a world-class student recreation center. This place is brand new and is absolutely ridiculous! Along with more machines than I can count, it has a beautiful pool area, enormous climbing walls, free classes of all kinds (Zumba, anyone?), personal trainers and many student-friendly activities. 

Recently an enthusiastic dorm wellness coordinator enticed two of my friends to join the Rec Center’s “Body 4 Break” program and to become Accountabilibuddies. I refuse to go on some diet, I initially scoffed while watching them excitedly having their body fat measured. I can eat well and exercise without having to sign up for some program! I don’t need an Accountabilibuddy!

“Are you sure you don’t want to join?” the lanky body-fat-measuring-guy asked me while my friend stepped onto the scale.

“Positive,” I assured him, licking my ice cream cone defiantly. It’s all about moderation, I assured myself inwardly.

While my friends signed up and I enjoyed my vanilla cone, a third friend, Kristina, bounced into the room. Kristina, a recent transfer to WVU and a boundlessly energetic athletic training student, immediately latched onto the idea of joining Body 4 Break.

“Ooh, sign me up!” she told Body-Fat-Measuring-Guy excitedly.

“Great!” he exclaimed, “Do you have an Accountabilibuddy? You have to have one to sign up for the program.”

Kristina turned and faced me. Uh-oh. Smiling sweetly, she pleaded, “Mollie…please be my Accountabilibuddy! Please, please!” Body-Fat-Measuring-Guy grinned.

What can I say? I’m a sucker. That’s how I became – and gained – an Accountabilibuddy. 

So, maybe I’m not going to Florida for spring break. But joining Body 4 Break has been very helpful for both myself and my Accountabilibuddy, and really is a picture of what Biblical accountability should be. We help each other flee temptation (“Okay, Kristina, after we finish eating we won’t even go to the dessert section!”), encourage each other in our victories (“Way to go, Kristina! That salad sure looks delicious!”), and even send each other motivational text messages (“hi, accountabilibuddy! have u had your 64 oz of water yet today?”). One of the added but lesser known benefits of having an Accountabilibuddy is getting to say, “Hey there, Accountabilibuddy!” when you see each other.

Are you one of the many Americans trying to lose weight or, like me, simply lead a healthier lifestyle? Or are you ready to walk more deeply with the Lord and feel alone in the struggles and joys of the narrow way? If so, learn from my mistake: don’t underestimate the importance of having an Accountabilibuddy.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up… (1 Thessalonians 5:1).

…let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another… (Hebrews 10:24-25).

Cross-cultural Christmas celebrations…welcome to China, folks

My dear friend Caitlin is studying abroad in China right now – for the second time! She is one of my favorite bloggers ever. She is a talented writer and is able to capture daily life in China in hilarious anecdotes. Her post about celebrating Christmas in China is no different.

Take a few minutes to read Caitlin’s blog and I guarantee you’ll be laughing about experiences that are commonplace in her daily life!

Two fun Christmas cookie ideas

Cooking-baking extravaganza

1. Get together with a few friends.
2. Everyone bring their favorite cookie recipe, lots of ingredients and plenty of hardware (baking sheets, mixer, cookie cutters, etc.).
3. Get busy baking, then split up the goodies!

Take note: A rockin' apron & bright green cookie dough!

Cookie abundance

The bakers

Cookie exchange

1. Get together with a few friends. (Hot drinks are highly recommended!)
2. Everyone bring 4 dozen cookies and an empty container.
3. Split up the cookies. Everyone leaves with 4 dozen different cookies!

Both the cookie-baking extravaganza and the cookie exchange allow for a) great time with friends and lots of conversation and catching up; and b) a minimal amount of work (bake only 4 dozen cookies from one recipe) for an abundant variety of cookies. Extras can always be frozen and saved for later in the season. Or, if you do your extravaganze early, you can freeze cookies to save for your exchange.

The creativity of God in building community

I’ve been reading one of my favorite blogs, Grit & Glory, for over a year. I first started reading because Alece is a missionary in South Africa. However, I kept reading because she was a great writer who shared transparently about her life and struggles. (I’ve always found myself very attracted to people who are gut-level honest.)

Alece blogged recently about blind date meet-ups with friends she met in the “blogosphere” and the awesome community God has created for her through blogging.

Well, on Monday Jessie and I had an awesome opportunity. We met up with Alece at a Starbucks in Columbus! It was so cool to meet someone whose words we’ve been reading for over a year now. Up to that point, we’d only exchanged a few e-mails. (Well, Alece and Jessie communicate via Twitter, but I have yet to jump on that bandwagon.)

For an hour and a half, we chatted over coffee and hot apple cider. We shared about our lives – where we’ve come from, what we struggle with and what we rejoice in. We experienced community in a unique way.

And so, it just goes to show the absolute creativity of our God. He is not limited by time, space, or geography. He can create friendships that criss-cross the globe and bring him glory.

Me, Jessie & Alece in Starbucks

I’m getting married today.

It’s 6:25 a.m. I’m thankful to have slept this late.

*Long pause.*

My head is so full, I’m not quite sure which direction to take this post. Plus, blogging is not something I thought I’d find the time to do this weekend.

I woke up with thoughts something like this: Okay, so the photographer will be here at 11. Breakfast with Joe at 8:15. I wonder what time it is?

The weekend has been good – really, really good.

Joe and I came in town Friday morning. We had lunch with my parents and then ran errands. I bought [super fun] gifts for my bridesmaids at TJ Maxx, we ordered pizza for our rehearsal dinner. And the afternoon is never complete without a pit stop at Wal*Mart, right?

We spent a quiet afternoon together at my parents’ dining room table writing thank-you notes. One of my bridesmaids, Jessie, came in town late in the afternoon and Mollie arrived home shortly afterwards.

Seven of us ate dinner around the table, which Mom and Dad thoroughly enjoyed after two months of empty-nesting.

After dinner, Joe and I escaped to Panera, where we wrote our vows and shared them with each other. Back at the house, we discussed with my dad whether or not we would all cry today. (I’ll let you know later.)

Saturday morning I got out of bed around this time, following a restless night’s sleep. We decorated the church in the morning and then I made a very fun and very last-minute shopping trip to pick out a dress for the rehearsal dinner. Mollie, Susan and Jessie went, along with a couple of dear friends from Joe’s hometown. We had a really good time and found an awesome dress in J.C. Penney’s.

The rehearsal went smoothly. It was such a joy to see all of my family and Joe’s family, to introduce them and pass around lots of hugs.

Joe and I passed out gifts and thank-yous at the rehearsal. I ate two pieces of pizza, which I thought was pretty significant since everyone says you don’t eat much the weekend of your wedding. I think I’m doing okay.

Last night my bridesmaids and two of my cousins came back to my parents’ house. We hung out, talked, drank sparkling grape juice and my bridesmaids prayed for me. (I attribute my good night’s sleep to them asking God for it!)

So, this is all very newsy, but c’mon – I’m marrying my best friend today. Isn’t there something a little deeper or more sentimental that I could share?

Maybe, but this post is getting far too long for my taste. Check back tomorrow.

Happy Birthday, Mollsie!

Today my “little” sister begins her last year as a teenager. In six days, she heads off to college, where God will no doubt rock her world…and then she will do some world-rocking of her own, I’m sure.

I still remember the day Mollie was born…sort of. I remember wearing a hospital gown, standing on a stool in front of a large sink in the hospital, rolling up my sleeves and washing my hands with pink soap.

I don’t remember actually meeting Mollie, although I’m told I was kind of nervous as I held her and sang “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.”

I vaguely remember going to the toy store with my dad to pick out a baby doll, which I named Mollie Rose – so she must’ve made some sort of impression on me.

I couldn’t ask for a better sister or friend. I love you oodles!